Softcore

Note: this post may contain incidental images of the human female breast. This blog is not responsible for possible side-effects. Don't let this happen to you!

This week's selection is One Fisted Tales #2, published by Slave Labor Graphics in September 1990, during the heyday of black-and-white erotic (and/or pornographic, but let's not parse the terminology too much) comics in the late eighties and early nineties. (See cover image below.)The foremost source for these was Eros Comics, the adult line that apparently kept Fantagraphics in the black through some lean years, but a lot of publishers made forays. This particular issue remains in the Shortbox for a few reasons:

1. It is One-fisted number Two, and I just like that juxtaposition.

2. It contains Nipples of Satan (where the "warning panel" above originated). This story, written by Dolf Brickyard (?) and illustrated by Theo Watson and Buddy Holocaust (??), tells the sad tale of Jason Wilbur, who after accidentally seeing "bare bosoms" on network TV, becomes depraved, commits atrocities, is caught by a "multi-national peace-keeping force," cannot be redeemed, and is hung. A cautionary tale indeed, and apparently the rationale behind recent FCC decisions regarding television broadcasting.

3. This comic really remains in the shortbox primarily for the story Lo, if the Earth should Move!, Sidney Mellon's foray into "mature graphic themes." I don't know if this was actually "created, plotted, and written by" Gerard Jones himself, but the Mellon Marvel-zombie fanboy persona is captured perfectly - as is the complete inexperience in sexual matters that such types are marked by. The story, er, saga, was pencilled by Norman Felchle and inked by Mike Christian. We open on our frustrated hero, Simon:

After this self-aggrandizing pathos, Simon/Sidney wanders around mooning over his unrequited love, Corey Grey, who is having her own problems on a date:

In no time, Simon transforms into the hero Thunderskull and rescues Corey from a fate worse than death:

After dispatching the evil Biff, Thunderskull and Corey consider hooking up, but Corey would have to get a transfusion of some of T-skull's magic power for it to work, and the big boy is hesitant: "Too long have I known the agony of power! And no power is worth such agony!" (Now that is pure, distilled Stan Lee.) But Corey flashes her not-inconsiderable breasts ("Lo! I have bairn my breasts for thee, o man!") and the two fly up to make geek love in the skies over the city, culminating in what must be the funniest money shot ever:

Big happy ending, as the magical fallout from their simultaneous orgasm spreads peace and love over the land (no, really - even Biff says he has "learned to respect all women now.. respect them even as I would respect a human!") and the lovers fly off together.

Jones gets major props for tapping into that vein of naivete / wish-fulfillment / immaturity / intelligence that runs through the comics nerd archetype, with just the right balance of ridicule and warmth, and for doing so in such a funny way.

(The rest of this comic has some other junk in it that really isn't worth noting, as it isn't very funny, or particularly sexy, or even interesting. So I won't.)